Saturday, 22 January 2011

Kesha manages to get Andre 3000 on the phone long enough to make tune.

Not bad Kesha, not bad at all. The Andre 3000 touch never fails. 

Letters by Greenberg:Vybz Kartel and the hospice for ashy midlife men.

Letters by Greenberg was born out of the Noah Baumbach film starring Ben Stiller and Rhys Ifans in which its namesake writes beautifully insulting diatribes to corporations. I write to anyone I think needs to check themselves that week. We've all wanted to tell Britney to stop wearing bad weave to get attention cos we all know she's got enough bank and medication to know a decent hairdresser when she sees one. We've all wanted to tell Alicia Keys to stop being such a smug married with Swiss shady Beats. We've all wanted to rant at another self important journalist who thinks he/she can define a genre/event/human being in the space of 20 words (ahem). 

Dear Vybz Kartel,

It's bad enough that Gucci Mane persists on being famous in my household, not for formidable music making, but for having the ashiest lips in the business. Now you, Vybz Kartel, a formerly acceptable artist to listen to pre rave/carnival/one of those 'after-parties' that involve you riding around in a run down audi TT from Bar Rumba to actually find yourself sitting in a room with 3 people smoking high grade and wishing you were asleep, have fallen prey to the ashy black man syndrome. I fear you may never redeem yourself; the level of ashiness screaming self hatred from this picture emanates from a deep Freudian level my poor blogger's mind cannot even attempt to penetrate thereby cocoa butter and a black barbie aint gona solve your inner ashy issues are they Vybz?

Male self renovation (we've moved on from reinvention to whole racial overhauls, what can I say? status anxiety has grown to monstrous proportions in a dire economy) post 40 is becoming alarmingly macabre. Gone are the days of laughing at the male mortality whiplash that made films like The First Wives Club so amusing. I mean just check out old skool basebell star Sammy Sosa's ash stricken face for this naughties shift in the proverbial male pattern baldness.  Witness how he chalkily cracks through the dry tension to smile a smile that says its ok to make yourself over into another colour half way through your life, it's not a political statement it's just the new sports car, the new penis enlargement, the new mistress with a more menial job than your wife's and better tits. Nobody wants to be a cliche and buy a Lambourghini when they feel close to death and distant from the young follicly acceptable man they once were. Similarly, nobody wants to or should necessarily have to be hemmed into an identity; it doesn't take an extensive knowledge of Michel Foucault and a bunch of french theory to understand that we are all increasingly resistant to the idea of complying to societal rules 'just because'.  However, Vybz, you seem to be dabbling in what many would justifiably call race-change. But this so called race change all depends on how much you believe color defines race, rather than culture.  In yours and Sammy's minds perhaps you are no less black/afro-cuban just because your skin is.  From an intellectual perspective i can fully appreciate this argument, race is, in my view, more than shades on a sample board, we are not curtains people we are not in reality maybe tanning and bleaching will one day become exactly what Vybez claims them to be; extensions of each other. Indeed maybe the political will be shrugged off  the act of bleaching like an errant cardigan...However Vybz until post-racial becomes a reality (which btw is looking like a never so keep fighting the good fight) you're left looking like a victim of consumption circa 1809 who found himself a time machine. Either way, hello?...'re just too damn ashy to be taking pictures and the like. Stay your ass inside. The light looks like it 's physically damaging your retinas! Check out the redness round the eyes! You look like an albino lab rat...this cannot be the great idea you thought it was, no? I know you probably half believe that statement you released that claimed bleaching "is tantamount to getting a tan" but a) I know you don't know how to use the word tantamount in the correct context never mind use it in a statement and b) it's looking more like an exercise in self mutilation than an exercise in civil liberty from my screen.

I assume Gucci was born with the lips of a gator who has been immersed in the desert or whose lips have dried up under a deluge of e numbers from the cool aid and gin he sipped on from the womb. Unlike Gucci you were not born with the face of the crypt keeper. Albeit you were never exactly a visual delight but who needs delight when your face isn't under the threat of imminent ruin. You just needed to remain facially consistent enough to not warrant quasi-intelectual outrage.

So here is my parting advice Vybz: a new look should never entail appearing as if you should be on dialysis. That is not a good look. It is not even a look. It is a mistake. A bit of an embarassment really seeing as your vanity has brought you to a fear of sun, water and all naturally occuring elements getting anywhere near a rapidly eroding visage.  Looking like the physical representation of apocalypse in these uncertain times is not a good career move. You don't want to get barred from industry events because people are becoming increasingly convinced your one of the four horsemen. Judgement day isn't sexy or welcome, some of us have a whole lot more living to do (preferably in living color as opposed to grey)

Wishing you a speedy recovery from what I can only "eat, pray and love" is a temporary bout of mental incontinence and general facial disrepair.


The Real "Big Love"


One of my favourite sections in one of my favourite publications is "Modern Love" in the NY Times. I Recently found this incredible article about one woman's yearning for love in a world of dwindling opportunities for it and the brave and yet measured decisions she makes to change her life. Nicole Hardy has also written two poetry collections including "This Blonde" just thought you should know just in case you can't get enough of her strange mixture of innocence and biting wit.

Friday, 21 January 2011

"Can't Take it With You" new show on writing wills on BBC Two.

The last vestige of reality viewing? (in case such intimidatingly complex quandries are haunting you) well it's got to be death, no? and I can't imagine anybody handling death and sociopathic family members trying to swindle their so called loved ones as well as Sir Gerry Robinson. Can't Take It with You has got everything great drama demands; family, romantic love, death, extortion and a whiff of impending betrayal beyond one's worldly control. Seeing what life may look like from the grave ain't so pretty when your wife has already let you know quite plainly that when you die she expects to receive all your money and for your daughters to receive nada. Great lessons are doled out by an incredulous and subtle sir Gerry on the ways you can count on your partner/family and the ways you should not and how to live with that contradiction. Watch every week, it makes Come Dine with Me look like watching paint dry...and you know how much I love CDWM?!

The ambassador is really spoiling us!



Great ensemble casting. Period. Why can't some films flow as well as the Ferrero Rocher ad?!

Applause starring Paprika Steen and a lot of drama

Can't wait to watch Paprika Steen in Applause! The trailer promises an excruciatingly truthful portrait of a fading actress whirling around in her own know how I love watching a woman unravel a la Sunset Boulevard. Hopefully she finds a little inner peace that or her mind unforgivingly splinters like poor Natalie Portman's character in Black know how I love a little spectacle.

"Throw it to the ground!" because Saturday Night Live said so.

SNL perfection. Conjures a potent and deep laughter from me every time. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE GROUND! Watch it and watch the day look infinitely more manageable. Every time your boss insults your intelligence or the guy at Costa Coffee looks at you like you're not competent enough to pick your own coffee when he's clearly not competent enough to remember your order or get a decent hair cut just 'throw it to the ground!' and refuse to be part of the system...any.

A Kind of Gender Genocide "Now the system is seen as a means for poverty-stricken parents to unburden themselves of daughters".

"We are a cursed community. Men use us and throw us away,"


A film by Beeban Kidron about the continuation of the illegal devadasi system; a system which religiously justifies dedicating young South Indian girls to sexual slavery. Tune in on Monday 24th January @ 10pm. Essential viewing. It is the reminder of systems such as this that should challenge many a spoilt young woman's claim that feminism no longer means anything. It actively needs to stretch beyond the Western semblance of equality most of us subscribe to. 


Further reading:

I'm like cat here, a couple of no-name slobs. We belong to nobody and nobody belongs to us. We don't even belong to each other.

Breakfast at Tiffany's is being re-released. Call it schmaltzy, call it untrue to the Capote's vision and be all righteously intellectual if you really feel the need to prove yourself. Follow in Emma Thompson and Time Out's footsteps and cluck and tut about how Miss Hepburn was woefully miscast in most movies but don't pretend you're not a little in love with the no name slob and her no name slob cat. She's as shiny as a Tiffany bracelet in Blake Edward's slightly bold tale of a rather naughty but naive socialite and you can't help but be drawn to her light. Hepburn, her modern vulnerability and tendency to eat very little and drink a lot and save zero money are timelessly charming.
BFI Listings
I will be watching it at the Southbank BFI on a lazy sunday where it will be showing until the 3rd of February

Thursday, 20 January 2011

Jessica Jackley: Poverty, money -- and love | Video on

Jessica Jackley: Poverty, money and love

Facilitating someone else's growth feels like the best thing to do when you're not sure how to facilitate your own. WOW! That was a massive BTM (Back to Me!) which is the term I created for a beloved friend who used to charmingly manage to relate everything back to herself. So now you know one of the underlying reasons for my attraction to but I'm assuming we all find our way to good, selfless deeds for reasons that could be called selfish, for greater clarity in our own lives, for a sense of greater worth, for a feeling of having expanded our own worlds as well as someone else's. Whilst I can't be entirely sure of the reasons why you would find yourself giving to I do know that  a lot of people couldnt get where they need to without friends and family to lend them money, experience and attention. Without these gifts how is anyone supposed to create their own revenues and stop relying upon charity. People who are building their own opportunities are so deserving of something as simple and fair as a loan without interest, no matter where you're from starting a business venture is a brave thing to do, creation is always brave. So if you ever have enough money to loan a friend think of loaning it to someone outside of your immediate circle  and pay as little as $25 forward a little further afield through because if anything it gives you a beautiful feeling of having done a small thing right in a world constructed around wrongs that feel too huge to usually make a big enough dent in.
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