Friday, 22 October 2010

MOBOs 2010: The Sofa Transcripts

Transcript of MOBOs viewing 2010

Read from the bottom upwards

Charlotte Nwokenna my version of why alexandra got dissed involves a declined invitation to the mobos and a broken promise from JLS to go to Mahiki's and tear up the dancefloor, instead the JLS communal payphone went straight to voicemail and it turns out that they are in fact at the ceremony, hence JLS getting love and Alexandra getting disgraced on national tv, if she'd just turned up it all could have been so different.

Wednesday at 10:13pm  ·  · Like
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Charlotte Nwokenna michelle williams is so thin her weave is too big for her.

Wednesday at 10:08pm  ·  · Like
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Charlotte Nwokenna Alesha i hope youre using this inbetween song time wisely...you know what i'm saying...silver..lame...

Wednesday at 10:08pm  ·  · Like

Charlotte Nwokenna that jacket needs to be returned to 'Fly Garms' on new cross road that's been closing down for 4 years.

Wednesday at 10:02pm  ·  · Like

Charlotte Nwokenna why does katy perry get a christian joke and mica paris and spicy creole beyonce get weave ridicule. Mica is your elder so that was just fucking rude reggie should know better big TUT TUT..also for his own personal safety he should probably leave Mica out of his weave nonsense

Wednesday at 10:01pm  ·  · Like

Charlotte Nwokenna flatmate: keri hilson's there
me; noooo...she's not gona sing is she?!
flatmate: of course she's gona sing! they dont just get an american there to sit at the table?!!

Wednesday at 9:57pm  ·  · Like

Charlotte Nwokenna turn it up...mash it up...jay's words not mine...

Wednesday at 9:47pm  ·  · Like
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Charlotte Nwokenna jay sean in the house....his words...not mine....

Wednesday at 9:46pm  ·  · Like
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Charlotte Nwokenna why does the backstage area look like a cross between a winter wonderland and a factory?!

Wednesday at 9:41pm  ·  · Like

Charlotte Nwokenna I dont mean to be rude alesha but my flat mate thinks your ensemble looks like a craft experiment...

Wednesday at 9:35pm  ·  · Like

Charlotte Nwokenna am screaming in shock at reggie's alexandra burke betrayal what did alexandra burke do to deserve such a public weave attack?!

Wednesday at 9:31pm  ·  · Like
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Charlotte Nwokenna questions my flat mate has succinctly put to me whilst watching the mobos: if they released all that confetti now what will happend at the end...goodnight...go home?! also how are they expecting all those trussed up hollyoaks ladies to sit there with paper crap all in their bouffants...not the business MOBOs

Wednesday at 9:29pm  ·  · Like

Charlotte Nwokenna Reggie's elephant/monkey/call of wild impression pre introduction to the best african act would get a white presenter blacklisted for life, am cringing! ps: kelly rowland needs to stop wearing leopard print every time someone mentions africa...leopard print polo necks are universally unacceptable.

Wednesday at 9:27pm  ·  · Like
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Charlotte Nwokenna why are the awards being handed out in a football, is 'urban' culture all football, coming to america and erm non music of black origin music? thankfully after today's political smorgasboard of bad news we all have better things to worry about!

Wednesday at 9:19pm  ·  · Like

Charlotte Nwokenna oooooooooh chile, jermaine jackson just turned up on my tv in a technicolor dream coat without the color?! confusing...

 Wednesday at 9:12pm  ·  · Like

 

Kitchen Sink Drama

I've spent the last month post NY attempting to learn how to juggle freelance writing and being a Masters student, this has all been rather confusing especially now I am moving house. This further complication provides me with the perfect opportunity to become derailed/obsessed/racked with buyers remorse before I've even bought anything. Am worryingly consumed by the thought of kitchens and marble...yes marble...I'm craving touches of that slightly dodgy word that conjures up memories of summers in the late 80s-mid 90s spent with visiting Nigerian family friends and their love of all things neo classical + leather in their holiday rental homes in North London. In those days a holiday for them meant a holiday for me, a holiday from food my mother would approve of and tasteful muted decor it was all spoilt Nigerian kids shouting over each other and gorging on McDonalds on a marble work top whilst gerkin slices escaped surreptitiously onto matching marble floors...'Greed is good' and all that, ahem. So here is a selection of the kitchens I would like to mish mash into one glorious kitchen medley...with my £5 budget...my budget does not reflect my new NW upgrade in lifestyle, guess I'll just have the most rubbish/unfinished house on a very pretty road, not the most aspirational blog-esque of statements I know but I try to keep it real with you people i really do. Goodbye handbags, hello marble.

see! marble doesn't have to be grotesque after all!

Gorgeous, simple shelving a la marble! Not obscene in the least! right? right?!

luxe but not gaudy

beautiful floor, am going to have to rely on my design student flat mate/interior designer/co-ordinator of everything in my life I can't do to help me distress and paint my floors because he's got it like that...and I don't.

sigh...the cabinet /armoire for french linens and such

an Ikea creation that will form the basis of my kitchen am going for grey floors (of lighter more distressed hue than pictured) and lit up glass cabinets to open up the space and give a little wow to the room

love miscellenous chairs all gathered round a wooden table, am going for a reclaimed wood long table and 4 chairs in different styles (ebay was made for dreams like this to be made a reality...and deptford market) might paint them all white

love the floor and the chandelier, am also a big fan of islands in kitchens but will not have the space in mine

Pete Doherty tries to sell dreams as well as jewellery






Pete Doherty talks junkie luxe

Read this amazing indictment of Pete Doherty's new jewellery line Albion Trinketry (being bound together in crack den with lint as we speak with Bryon's poetry and the metaphorical interpretation of Fagan's crushed bones somewhere far far way from Hackney High Street)

Cry with laughter at the cold hard truth of a man in need of rehab hawking gypsy-gothic-luxe-junkie jewellery, hissing Papa Lazarou style into your ear as he runs his hand over your dead mother's gold ring, for his next fix.

Hmmm...Sexxxxy as ever.

Carola Barbero PHD student extraordinaire writes Sex and the City and Philosophy before I get the chance.


This may just be my new favourite book, i haven't read it, I don't even own it and I think it might be in Italian (shit) so I'm not going to be completely obnoxious/unrealistic and tell you to go and bring it in from the cold shelving of an obscure book store (you cant just let any ol' vagabond in can you?) However, this playful but learned (it is learned already because I wish I wrote it thereby it meets my criteria?!) cultural critique is straight up my alley, sex + the greatest polemic on sex to ever grace the telly screen precisely because it is not just about Miranda and the sphincter guy, it's sooooo much more than that: it's gender, it's friendships and its clothes, lots and lots of silly clothes and it is this combination that makes it ripe for post doctoral waffling concern (you've got consumerism, gender, sexual politics, a primordial interest in fancifying our bodies and feet with things that look like they feel nice...sounds like a critical wet dream to me, one that carries over nicely into dinner party fodder)  This presumably pretty book if ever made available in english could finally put to rest the evil surmising of SATC as inane fantasy/horrifying glorification of supposedly past it birds talking sex when they should apparently prepare to graze in a teepee with their meno-teas and organise save Tibet functions. All this from men who presume to know what they can not and women who clearly didn't get the memo on the frivolous part of being a woman (you know the part that balances out the bullshit, makes it more bearable) and would prefer to impress males with tales of a love for real cutting edge drama a la The Wire (how very non gender specific of you clappety clap for being above constructed gender lines and all that, maybe the boys will give you an extra dog biscuit for coming up with that cunning way to please all by yourself)  It's about time we stopped being shamed for loving some of the indulgence that makes up a contingent of being a woman because even if unlike Carrie I, but a poor and sometimes high off e numbers freelance journalist, cannot afford those elusive red soles and fabulous dinners on a regular basis (or any basis other than an ill advised move into organ smuggling/money for marriage offers to my asylum seeking next door neighbours) I want to! i want it ! we all want it! Along with a fulfilling career, a vocation in life, world peace and a pony! and so fucking what?!
As Barbero puts it:
Carrie & co. reflect what has been defined the "third generation feminism" that is based upon the achievements obtained through their previous struggles but shows a more relaxed approach in many ways. The aggressive attitude that was typical of first generation feminism has gone, and a new, more spontaneous, at times even tender woman has made a comeback. What's wrong with that? Why can't we realize we must stop imposing models?
Read Barbero talk more about why SATC gives good philosophical face in a more lucid and classy fashion than myself:
http://www.vogue.it/en/people-are-talking-about/that-s-too-much/2010/x/sex--the-city-and-philosophy
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